coping with grief and loss

Editor: Justin Healey
ISBN 978 1 921507 30 4
Year 2010

Price: $20.95

  

Coping with Grief and Loss
Volume 319, Issues in Society

At various points in our lives we will all experience loss and grief –  such as the death of a loved one, a divorce or family breakdown. This book focuses on how to identify the various stages of bereavement and suggests ways of coping with a range of experiences involving loss. What coping strategies can we use to deal with the emotional and practical challenges of losing someone close to us? In what ways can we support others who are bereaved? Coping with Grief and Loss is full of helpful bereavement advice, presented in two chapters: Understanding Grief and Loss; and Young People and Children.

Chapter 1: Understanding Grief and Loss
About grief; Grief explained; Grief and loss; Grief, loss and depression; Understanding your emotions; Coping with sorrow, loss and grief; Grief: coping with challenges; Supporting adults; Grief reactions associated with cancer and illness related death; Common experiences with suicide bereavement; Grief reactions associated with accidental or traumatic death; Pet loss; After someone has died – some practical issues; Moving back into your routines.

Chapter 2: Young People and Children
Grief and loss; Helping children after loss; Supporting grieving children; How can I help when a child dies?; Grief reactions associated with children; Helping a young person after loss; Grief reactions associated with young people; Supporting grieving adolescents; When a brother or sister dies; Caring for surviving children.

Glossary; Fast Facts; Web Links; Index



fast facts
FAST FACTS from this volume
  • Grief is our response to loss. It is the normal, natural and inevitable response to loss, and it can affect every part of our life, but it is varied and different for different people.
  • Although grief can be very painful, most people (80-85%) find that with the support of their family and friends and their own resources, they gradually find ways to learn to live with their loss, and they do not need to seek professional help.
  • Grief can affect our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and beliefs, and our relationships with others. Many people experience feelings of sadness and anxiety.
  • There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Generally, there are two broad styles of grieving. Most people use a combination of both: the intuitive approach, and the instrumental approach.
  • The experience for many grieving people has been described as ‘relearning the world’. Many people also discover a deepening of their spiritual beliefs and can identify how they have grown as a result of their grief experience.
  • The following ‘stages’ have been identified as experiences that many people go through. It is important to note that these stages vary widely between individuals and do not always occur in any particular order: numbness and denial; anger and guilt; bargaining; sadness and acceptance.
  • Psychiatrists are medically trained doctors who specialise in the treatment of mental illness. Like GPs they can prescribe, administer and monitor medication.
  • Psychologists are trained in human behaviour and use a range of therapies to treat patients. They provide services including assessment, psychological testing, and various types of psychotherapy and counselling.
  • There are common reactions and responses to grief: shock, feeling of numbness; disbelief; confusion and trying to make sense of it; anger; pining and yearning; guilt; and a sense of isolation and fear at facing the rest of life alone.
  • Depression is more than just a low mood or feeling sad. A person is likely to be depressed if: they get no enjoyment from any aspect of life; it’s difficult to do things – like getting up in the morning; they have no energy and drive; they are avoiding people; they’re not looking after themselves properly – eating, washing, etc; and they feel ashamed or guilty.
  • There are various options for obtaining help associated with grief: talking to a doctor who is a General Practitioner (GP) is a good first step; psychiatrists – doctors who specialise in mental health; psychologists, social workers and occupational therapists – who specialise in providing non-medical (psychological) treatment for depression and related disorders.
  • Fear and anxiety are very powerful physical sensations which can include rapid shallow breathing, nervousness and agitation, upset stomach, and heart palpitations.
  • Grief increases your risk for illness due to stress, fatigue, poor nutrition, indifference, etc. There is also a tendency to return to old patterns of coping, some of which may be detrimental to your health.
  • Much of grieving is about expressing emotion – some may be unfamiliar, and unacceptable to self or others, e.g. anger, guilt, remorse. Finding a safe place and an accepting person for support to work through all the effects of bereavement is important.
  • While a death after a long term illness may bring relief from the demands and worries associated with the illness, it also can leave a significant ‘hole’ in the lives of the survivors, who often have dedicated much time and energy to caring for their dying family member.
  • Grieving in response to a suicide requires a big adjustment to life and is different for everyone. It’s a process of adapting to the changes you must face in your life, your thoughts, your hopes, your beliefs and your future.
  • Death as a result of traumatic accident and disaster can raise a number of complex issues for people. The grief process is often different from an expected or anticipated death.
  • Functions of the coronial system vary between countries and states. In Australia, it is a legal requirement in all States that deaths from unnatural causes, including apparent suicide, are reported to the coroner. Police acting on behalf of the coroner investigate and document each death that is reported. The purpose is to determine the manner, cause and circumstances surrounding the death.
  • A post-mortem examination is performed by a pathologist to establish the medical cause of death.The report may be made available to the next of kin once the investigations have been completed. This may take several months.
  • Talking about death eases a child’s fears. Otherwise the child learns that death is a taboo, mysterious and fearful subject.
  • When helping someone who is grieving: be a good listener; be a shoulder to cry on; be in touch with them; and be a friend
  • When upset about a death, children may act out their feelings instead of talking. Eating, sleeping or behaviour patterns may change and they may become insecure or clingy.
  • Changes in children may include: wanting to sleep with a trusted adult; restlessness, frustration or angry outbursts; reduction in concentration, energy and achievement at school; increased physical complaints; and regression to behaviours like thumbsucking and bedwetting.
  • Children who show little reaction to a death or who do not appear to want to talk about it, sometimes are interested in the event at a later stage or reflect their interest in play. Adults can keep the topic open for discussion by raising it occasionally and by paying attention to indirect as well as direct references to the death.
  • The feelings experienced by young people after the death of someone they love can include the following: shock and disbelief; anger; feeling unmotivated and depressed; feeling guilty – perhaps for not being able to save the person from drugs or suicide; not knowing how to deal with powerful emotions; needing to blame someone.
  • Grief comprises the many thoughts and feelings experienced because of loss, while mourning is the outward expression of grief. As adolescents are in the process of becoming more independent of their parents and other central figures in their lives, they can feel reluctant to show signs of mourning as it reinforces a sense of dependence and vulnerability.